Confessions of a yoga teacher

YogaInner Landscapes and Emotional Wellbeing

Jan 13

Very early on a Thursday morning

I haven’t practised yoga for five months. The first three of which were a busy mix of saying goodbye to the studio and embracing the new challenge of walking the SWCP. And yes, of course I know it would have been VERY helpful to slowly move and stretch my achy body at the end of each day’s walking, and to incorporate yoga as part of my recovery, but I didn’t.

On my return home at the end of October I tried once and gave up. My knees were so sore I had to comically hobble down steps one at a time. I couldn’t sit cross legged comfortably on the mat. I couldn't lunge as the pressure was too much on my tender knees. I had developed metatarsalgia (inflammation) on the bottom of my left foot meaning it was painful to walk or stand, especially barefoot. Lifting my arms above my head in a sun salutation made me feel a little queasy as my neck and shoulder muscles were so tight from carrying the heavy pack.

And underlying all of this, over the past year my body shape has changed, parts of me are softer and curvier than they once were. A new shape means poses feel different, and for now, often less comfortable. It was (still is a bit) new and hard not feeling comfy in my body.

But there are gifts to be unearthed here. I have a new found deep, deep, appreciation for every single one of you that ever showed up to class feeling the same notes of awkward discomfort. And as a teacher, I am developing a new understanding of how different bodies feel in different poses, and I trust this will mean I can be of more support to a greater spectrum of bodies in all their delightful diversity.

AND yesterday and today I found my way back onto the mat. It wasn’t pretty, but it was kind, explorative and gentle - it was good. After catching up on the weekend with a friend, and both sharing that we are feeling stagnant and stuck, we agreed to go for regular early morning walks together. As hard as it is waking up bleary eyed at 5 am in the cold and dark, the beauty of glittering frosty roads, dark blue starry skies, cold reviving air and friendly company have worked their magic - it was on returning home, after each walk this week, that I heard the beckoning whisper of my mat.

I feel like I’m starting to find a part of myself I had lost for a while, and I’m glad she’s back.